Guilt, anger, bitterness, brokenness, shame, yes.  But mostly sadness.  The crying, the constant crying.  Usually on my way to or from somewhere.  Usually alone in my car on my way to work, everyday, for years.  Some days I’d be rounding the corner for home and I’d need to drive up to the trailhead above our house just for five more minutes to pull myself together.  My brain would be shouting “Just get over it!” and my heart would quietly respond “I can’t.”

The best quote I’ve heard to describe grief is this: Grief is just Love with nowhere to go.  I was never able to think past this until I painted this picture.  However now I see great beauty in grief.  You see grief would not exist without love.  The more you loved, the more you grieve.  And love is such a beautiful thing.

I share this for the women who go through this or something else entirely their own.  The women functioning, going on, showing up, doing what you need to do and yet crying all the time when no one is looking.  I see you and I’m sorry and I’m so proud of you.